Shuffling Along
by pandorabox82
Summary: On the way to Erin Strauss's funeral, Penelope reminisces about her life with her wife, and how they came to be a committed couple.
1. Chapter 1

Penelope sighed as she adjusted the hat on her head. While she had known that this day might someday come, she had never thought that it would happen so soon. Not when they were both so relatively young, and had so much life left to live. It seemed like only yesterday that she was making unknown advances towards her wife, and now she was preparing for her funeral.

Dave slipped into the room and came over to her side, wrapping his hand around her shoulder and squeezing it gently. Turning, she gazed up into his eyes, trying to keep from breaking down into sobs before the service had even began. "Kitten, it's time to head to the church."

"I'm not ready to go yet. I just want to stay here and pretend that the outside world doesn't exist. And before you even say it, I know that I can't stop time, that it marches ever onwards, but I don't want to admit that our love game has come to a close."

He bent and pressed his lips to her forehead in a tender kiss. "It should never have ended like this, I know. I tried so hard to save her, but I was too late. Hotch was too late."

"The unsub was just ten steps ahead of me the entire time. I refuse to say him name. I refuse to give him that kind of recognition. I refuse, Dave. Refuse!"

Penelope's voice cracked on the last word, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as she started to sob loudly. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, her heaving lungs desperate to get in enough air so that she could continue to keep breathing, to keep moving forward. Vaguely, she heard Dave murmur gently in her ear as he rubbed her back, obviously trying to comfort her. There was no comforting her, though. Not on a day like today.

"Let me text the driver and let him know that we'll be a few minutes," he finally said as he guided her over to the bed and pulled her down next to him on the mattress. Instinctively, she curled against him, her ear pressed to his chest. The rumble of his breathing soothed her a little as she struggled to regain control of her body. Finally, finally, she seemed able to stop crying, and Penelope sat up, wrapping her arms around her waist as she stared dully at the floor. "All right, Penelope. This is going to be the hardest day of your life. I'm not going to lie to you."

"I know you wouldn't. You've been through this."

"And to some extent, I'm going through it with you. She was my lover, too, once upon a time."

She stifled a little giggle as she nodded. "How do you think I found out some of the stories I know now? She loved to regale me of your exploits."

"I'm glad that she told you. She was a great storyteller." Penelope nodded as she fell back against his chest once more. "I think that I'll miss her laugh most of all. It was full and rich."

"I wish that I could hear it one more time. I think there's a snippet of it, somewhere on JJ and Will's wedding video, but I can't be certain. And it's not like I have access to that."

"You could make a copy of it."

She shrugged. "Maybe one day, when the pain isn't quite so raw. Does this pain ever go away? I mean, I know that when you lost Carolyn, you hadn't been together for quite some time, but you loved her, right?"

He sighed a little as he nodded, pressing another kiss to her head as he started to rub her arm lightly. "I never stopped loving her, either of them. And the pain changes with each passing day. There are days when I almost forget that Carolyn has passed, and it's only when I go to text her or call, that I remember she's gone. And the pain washes over me all at once."

"Does it make me a bad person for being glad that we're in the same boat?"

"It's a club I never wish you had to join, Kitten. Aaron probably knows the best what you're going through, though, due to the way he lost Hailey."

She nodded a little as she once more sat up, brushing away the tears from her cheeks. "I look awful, Dave. I couldn't put on any makeup today, not even waterproof. She liked to see my face plain when we were home, and since we're kinda sending her to her final home, I wanted to honor her one last time. But now, everyone will see how red and puffy my eyes are. But this is my sorrow, Dave. And I don't think that I want to hide it from the world."

"You shouldn't have to," he replied before lightly chucking her chin. "The world needs to learn to be okay with sorrow."

She gave him a wobbly smile as she nodded before taking a deep breath and standing up. "I think that I'm ready to head out to the church now. Her children are meeting us there, right?"

"Yes, except for Tabitha. She's actually in the car, waiting for us."

She drew in a sharp breath, narrowing her eyes a little as she shook her head. "Why didn't you tell me that sooner? I would have left right away, had I known that."

"You weren't ready to leave yet, Kitten. I knew that you had to work through a little of this sadness before you went to the church." He stroked her hair lightly, clearly trying not to mess it up, and she was grateful for the care. "Now, let's go down and continue to the church."

"Okay." She reached out for his hand, clasping it tightly as they went downstairs together. The house, which had seemed so full of life and joy just a few days ago, now seemed cavernously empty, and she wondered when that would ever change, if it ever would. "Dave?"

"Hmm?" he asked as he opened the front door, leading her over to the car.

"I don't know. I just miss my Erin."

"I miss her, too," he whispered as he opened the car door for her, allowing her to slide in next to Tabitha. Erin's youngest daughter was looking at her expectantly, and Penelope reached out for her hand, clasping it tightly.

"I almost came in and got you, Penny. You know that Mama didn't like tardiness."

"I know, Tabby-cat. I just couldn't seem to find the motivation to leave our, my, the bedroom. I can still smell her perfume on the pillow." Penelope knew that she was turning maudlin once more, and Tabitha let out a strangled breath as she cuddled into Penelope's side, slinging her arm around Penelope's waist. "I will love her until the day I die. I never thought I would settle down with anyone, and then, life brought me your mother."

"She was intrigued by you from the moment you submitted your resume. I asked her, once, what her first impression of you was, and she said that silly pink stationary. That was when she knew that even though you were a formidable hacker, you still had a sweetness about you that the world didn't extinguish. Please, don't let that man's evil extinguish your sweetness."

"I'll try, Tabby. For you, and for Erin."

And as the car drove on, she thought back to the day she started with the FBI, and Erin Strauss had came into her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Penelope sat up and stretched, smiling a little to herself. When the most elite team at the FBI had been the ones to take her down a few years ago, she hadn't expected to ever be working with them. Still, she had hoped she would have a shot, since she had been doing such great work for the Cyber Crimes department. And when she had handed over her application, printed on pink stationary, since that was the only way she could think of to make herself stand out, she had sent up a quick prayer that she would have the privilege of working for the BAU.

It had taken a few weeks to hear back, but yesterday she had finally heard back that she was now officially attached to the BAU as their technical analyst. The same rules still applied to her, she couldn't have any internet access at home, she had to run searches for Cyber Crimes whenever asked, but she was finally able to have a little more autonomy.

Her alarm went off, and she laughed a little to know that she was like a little kid, anxious for the first day of an anticipated vacation. Getting out of bed, she skipped over to her closet and tried to pick out the perfect outfit for the momentous day. Finally, Penelope decided to wear a sweet pink polka dotted dress, and she carried it with her to the bathroom, hanging it over the door as she stripped off her pyjamas and stepped into the shower, singing brightly as she washed.

A part of her knew that she should most likely keep a tight rein on her desires to dress as flamboyantly as she wanted. So she kept her makeup light and stuck a small pink fascinator in her hair before slipping on a pair of matching glasses and stepping into a pastel pink pair of flats. Taking one last look at her reflection, Penelope smiled before picking up her purse and heading out the door.

Taking a glance at her phone, Penelope noticed that she had more than enough time to stop at her favorite coffee shop, and she wiggled her body a little as she scurried down the stairs, heading over to her car, and climbing behind the wheel, she took off. Turning on the radio, she let out a pleased gasp to hear her favorite song playing, and she couldn't help but start to sing along.

Pulling into the parking lot of the coffee shop, she sprang out and almost skipped to the door. There was a bit of a line, but she didn't mind that, since she had some time. Bouncing on the balls of her feet, she tried to focus enough to get her order together, but it was rather difficult as she tried to imagine what working with Agent Hotchner would be like. He had been stern with her, back when she had still been the Black Queen, but she had also seen beneath that mask to the kind man he was.

Finally, it was her turn to order, and she decided to get something thoroughly, decadently, sugary, since it was the perfect day to order such an obnoxious drink. Dropping a generous tip in the jar after paying, Penelope moved down to the other end of the counter and tried to wait patiently for her drink to be ready. It was a losing battle, and she found herself bopping along to the music that was playing on the radio, not really paying attention to anyone else in the room.

"Penelope!"

"That's me," she answered as she stepped forward and claimed her drink. It smelled delicious, and a smile curled her lips upwards as she took the first sip. Without really looking where she was going, Penelope headed out the door, only to bump into someone on her way out. "Oh, I am so sorry!"

Turning to see who she had just jostled, Penelope felt her smile falter a little to see a frosty blonde staring her down imperiously. There was something so beautiful about her presence, even if she seemed vaguely familiar, and Penelope quickly looked her up and down to make certain she hadn't spilt any coffee on her. "You might want to consider taking a little more care with where you're going next time, then."

"Yes, ma'am," she murmured, feeling slightly chastised. "I, I didn't make you spill or anything, did I?"

"No, Ms Garcia, you didn't. Luckily. Now, if you'll excuse me, I was already running late for a meeting."

The woman brushed past her, and Penelope felt her brow furrow as she tried to place where she might know the woman from. The fact that she knew her by name spoke volumes, and she wondered if the woman was the SAC of another BAU team. She knew that there was a Red Cell team, and an international team, though she wouldn't be working with them so much, Agent Hotchner's team would be her main concern. Shaking her head, Penelope made her way up to his office and knocked on the door lightly, waiting for him to address her.

"Enter!"

Taking a deep breath, Penelope made her way into the room, a wide smile on her lips that she hoped covered up the nervousness she was suddenly starting to feel at the idea of embarking on a new endeavor. "Good morning, Agent Hotchner. May I just say again that it is an incredible honor to work beside you in the BAU. I hope that I can prove myself a good fit for your team."

He motioned for her to sit down, and she did, taking the seat closest to the door, hoping that he wouldn't read more into that than convenience. "Call me Hotch, Garcia. We don't stand much on formality in my team, not when there's more important things to be concerned about. Now, we do have a few things to go over before you sit in on your first briefing with the team. There, you'll meet agents Reid, Morgan, Jareau, and Gideon, and you'll be expected to take detailed notes on any preliminary leads that the team comes up with, so that you can start searching there to get us some results by the time we're up in the air."

Hotch looked like there was more he wanted to say, but the door to his office opened suddenly, revealing the woman she had nearly bowled over earlier. Once more, the woman gave her a slightly imperious look, and Penelope fought to keep from quaking like an aspen at the look. "There's been a change in your case, one that requires you to leave now. I'll do my best to work with Ms Garcia, to make certain that she gets the basics beneath her hands. I would hate for you to be hamstringed by ineptitude."

Penelope frowned deeply at the woman, her mouth falling open, only to receive a curt headshake from Hotch. "Thank you for the offer, Chief Strauss, but I believe that Ms Garcia should be able to pick up what she needs to know on the fly. She's worked with our databases before, though not in this capacity, and I'm certain that her background will allow her to learn quickly on the fly. Though if she has any questions, I'm certain that she won't hesitate to call you. Will you, Garcia?"

Her head snapped around to look him in the eyes, and she saw the warmth in his eyes that the flat expression on his face couldn't hide, and gave him a small nod. "Of course, Sir. Though I wouldn't dream of interrupting someone as important as our Section Chief with petty little questions. Now, if you'd like to show me to my office, I can get settled in and start running those preliminary searches for you, while you head out."

Hotch nodded and stood up, Penelope copying his movements. There was a faint frown on disapproval on Chief Strauss's lips, but she continued to smile as they brushed past the woman, and Penelope hoped that this wasn't the sign of tension between the two of them to come, as she desperately wanted to impress all the people that she worked with, to prove herself capable of working with this elite group of agents; she had already biffed first impressions with Chief Strauss, and she knew there wouldn't be a way to erase that any time soon.


End file.
